Label Me This...

"Stupid is as Stupid Does." Remember these 5 words as said so famously by Tom Hanks, as Forrest Gump? I think the whole country was repeating this line for months and months after the movie came out...actually, we were probably repeating it for years.

In that movie, Forrest Gump believed that he was stupid...because that's what he was told. However, everything he did proved that theory wrong. He pushed through and showed everyone around him - those that knew him (and didn't know him) - just how "not stupid" he really was.

Now, bring this to today - to our kids. They get told so many messages to put in their own little playback devices in their minds. "Smartest" "Coolest" "Nerd" "Dork" "Pretty" "Chubby" "Fat" "Skinny" "Shorty" "Pale" "Brainiac" "Dumb" "Clown" "Goofy" "Bully" and yes, "Stupid". And these are only a handful of the labels our kids hear on a daily basis. It's no wonder when it comes to actually concentrating on what they should be concentrating on - school work - that they can't always do that. They are too worried about keeping up with the labels, or getting out from under them. And the worst part of all of it...Not one of them asked for these labels. As my 8 year old told me the other day, "There's just way too many names to tell you mom. Everyone calls someone something. Good and Bad."

He's right. I've realized in our house just how many labels we use for each other without even knowing it. We set expectations for each other, we put each other down - all without even realizing it. I have always had the rule that the word "stupid" was not allowed in the house under any circumstance. I thought I was doing such a great job with this rule...making my kids feel like they could do anything and never allowing them to put themselves down. But, what I didn't realize it all the other labels I was allowing.

So, my challenge to you and your family is to take the labels away. Like everything else, it all starts at home. Help our kids have one less issue to have to compete with everyday. Teach them that it's REALLY ok to just be themselves. Start a "label" jar or "label" poster where every time you hear one of your family members (mom and dad - this means you, too) put a label on someone (even joking!), you add a quarter to the jar, or a point to the poster. At the end of the month add up the points or the money and go out for ice cream, or have the person with the most points do someone else's chores for the week (the person who got the least points). Any way you chose to do it...just do it. You'll start to realize just how much you're actions at home are rubbing off on your kids - and next time they start to call someone a name or even just stand by while someone else does it - they'll think twice, or maybe even stop it.

Daily Planner.

Today, I am the clock. A buzzer that says "get up," "let's go" and "get ready."
Today, I am calendar. A lunch menu. A concierge.
Today, I am a short order cook, a waitress, a busboy, a dishwasher.
Today, I am a dry cleaner, a maid, a stylist and a personal assistant.

Today, I am a pastry chef, an artist, a sculptor, a critic.

Today, I am a producer, a cameraman, a director, a writer and an audience - all at once, and individually.

Today, I am the opposing team and the teammate.
Today, I am the coach.

Today, I am Mario, Darth Vader, Harry Potter and Yoda.
Today, we conquer the galaxy.

Today, I am the librarian and the story teller.
Today, I am the architect and the builder.

Today, I am the music teacher, the singer, the dancer and the groupie.

Today, I am the tutor, the science lab professor, the explorer, the museum guide and conqueror of fears.
Today, I am the taxi driver.

Today, I am the calculator and the dictionary.
Today, I am the teacher.

Today, I am the confidant and the comedian.
Today, I am the boss and the friend.

Today, I am mom.

Yesterday and Tomorrow?... See Today.

"Hello Fear, Let's Dance."

Fear. We all have it... It knows no age limits, no gender. And it certainly does not care WHAT you are doing when it appears. No courtesy whatsoever. While I use to run from fear, I've learned as a parent, that my children learn by what I do more times than not (cue the SHOCK & AWE sounds), so Fear and I now have a different relationship. We have to - my kids have to learn how to deal with it too.

So now I say, "Hello Fear. Let's Dance." And off we go. I match fear move for move. Tall buildings - no problem. I've shown my son I can conquer that glass elevator with his hand in mine...easy. Mouse in the house - piece of cake (um, well cheese, maybe), kinda. That one took a little more time, and a longer piece of music for us to "dance" to, but we got there. And my nemesis - the tall, dark, crazy fast water slides... yes, I see Fear waiting there for me just laughing. But not this time. I take my son's hand in mine, we walk up those 6 flights of stairs and we do it together. We conquer it - one turn and drop at a time. Guess who's afraid now? ;)

My point is, fear strikes at every angle. Our kids face it daily - and especially at back to school time. New teachers, new friends, old friends in different classes, new lunch tables, what to wear, what to eat, where to sit, who to play with, is the work too hard/too easy? And if your child just moved to a new school, or is transitioning to kindergarten, middle or high school this year, it's an entirely new set of challenges. Be prepared for changes with your child. Go through those changes with him and teach him to "dance" with fear - not run from it. Look it in the eye, and move with it, step for step, turn for turn. In the end, it will be your child leading - not fear.

But remember, your job before that is to show him that it can be done. Conquer your own fears with your child as much as you can, and when he can't be around, tell him about it.

Trust me, I couldn't have conquered half of my fears without my 8 yr old's hand in mine, saying, "You can do it, Mom. You can." Take that, fear.

School Supply Savings? YOU BET!

It's that time of year... and everywhere you turn there are new pencils, backpacks, markers, rulers, folders and everything else under the sun your kids need - and want - for heading back to school. So, where do you start? Who has the best prices? Where can you save? Are the discounts worth it? We've got some answers - thanks to Good Morning America and their awesome research! Start here before heading out into the Back to School Supply Jungle!

Click here for the Back to School Supplies Price Comparison Chart

Here's To a Great Year.

Customize your own photo album

Help for Parents of A Struggling Reader

You think your child is having trouble with reading...whether it's instinct or it's been pointed out to you. It's never an easy realization, but it's one that can be worked on! Sometimes children just need more time, but in other cases, they may need extra help. Trust your instincts! You know your child better than anyone. If you think there's a problem, there probably is. This is where you have to be their voice.

Don't give up or necessarily believe or agree that your child "will grow out of it." You may be told this. The fact is, whenever a child has difficulty with reading or with school, it can be an overwhelming and emotional time for parents and for the child. The more you all learn, the less overwhelming it will seem and the more you'll be able to act effectively and quickly. You are the best advocate for your child – keep asking, learning, and acting to ensure that he or she has the best opportunity to succeed at reading. No one else is going to do this for you or your child. Remember that.

Take a look at the following 8 Steps to ensure that he or she receives the help needed to succeed - no matter what age or grade level.

1. Find out if your child needs extra help: Talk to your child's teachers and doctors. This could be more than just a school issue...it could be a vision or hearing issue, as well.

2. Consult with the school and other parents: Make an appointment with your child's teacher and possibly the guidance counselor/social worker to review a plan you all can work together on. Having everyone on the same page will benefit your child the most. Talking with other parents will many times unveil a wealth of information, as other children have gone through similar situations and you can tap into other resources families may have already found and tried.

3. Know your options:

• Find out about IDEA -Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) – that ensures that children diagnosed with a learning disability will receive special school services (for free).
• Check other sources:
  LD OnLine,
  National Center for Learning Disabilities,
  National Dissemination Center for Children With Disabilities,
  Schwab Learning,
  Wrightslaw
• Put EVERYTHING in writing! Keep all your research, conversations and concerns in a log so that when or if things don't get moving or get worked on, you have a copy of the issue and conversation. It's important to document everything as you begin to advocate for your child. Keep your decisions, your choices and your notes with you always. This is your child you are fighting for.

4. Ask the school to evaluate your child: Send the principal a written evaluation request requesting that a specialist (reading) review your child's progress. Also, make certain that your child is being evaluated in his/her strongest language, if English is not the primary language in your home.

5. Consider an outside evaluation from an independent expert like a child psychologist or outside specialist. You can find names by contacting local Parent Resource Centers in your area.

6. Consider finding an advocate. An advocate is a professional, education consultant or sometimes attorney, who specializes in helping parents resolve problems with a school. These professionals can be expensive. Your local Parent Training and Information Center or a Parent Resource Center may have information on advocates in your area.

7. Consider hiring a tutor. There are many tutoring options including private tutors, tutoring centers, educational therapists, and formalized programs. Ask for recommendations and do your homework to find a tutor who has specific knowledge and experience in working with children who have reading or learning disabilities. Some tutors also can work as an advocate for your child in the schools and will work directly with the school to help get your child the help he or she needs while in their care, and while at home. Tutor programs and curriculum should be designed completely around YOUR child and the uniqueness of how he/she learns. Make sure that question and topic is covered when you are doing your own "tutor homework."

8. Support your child at home by providing as much academic support and emotional support as you can. There are many extra activities you can work on at home without adding additional stress to your child, that shows you are there to help. Always letting him/her know that you are there no matter what is part of the success equation, as well. Focus and confidence go hand in hand with these issues, so continuing to provide encouragement during this time will be key to overcoming the struggles.

The square root of FUN!

I read a quote about math recently:

“Mathematics is the art of giving the same name to different things.”

I started thinking how true this is - and how true I could make it with creative activities over the summer that would teach/reinforce math in my family's daily routine. Basically, we would simply give "math" a different name. Oh yeah...and make it fun!

1. Spending in the Summer: We use this time to show and teach the value of money. It's easy to want to go and do everything when the kids are out of school, but helping them understand how much trips, activities, and other items cost helps them begin to understand the value of a dollar.

2. Create Budgets: You can do this with both young and older kids. Set goals for what they are saving for, but also give them options along the way to help them understand if they want to do other things, how long it takes to get back to goal amount.

3. Saving Incentives: Start a matching program! For every $.50 they save, you donate $.50 to their savings too. This helps motivate all ages!

4. Create "junior investors": Give your child a pretend dollar amount, $10,000 for example, and let them "invest" for a hypothetical portfolio for the family. Help them look at stocks and decide where they would like to invest the money, how much and find out why. Help them track it every day - up and down. At the end of their investment period, they can use their math skills to figure out how much money your hypothetical portfolio is now worth.

5. Shopping Time: Set a budget for the store, make a list of what is needed and have the kids find a way - with math - to stay at or under budget. All you do is accompany them, they do the shopping. If they stay under budget, set a reward for the family to enjoy! Ice cream trips are a GREAT reward for everyone.

It's amazing the ways and places you can find to make math part of your daily routine - and your kids don't even realize how much they're learning!

TD Takeaway of the Day: An App a Day, Keeps Learning OK!

We all know that keeping our kids focused on some sort of learning activity is the way to go over the summer. The amount of knowledge lost over the 3 months is amazing if we don't keep their brains tuned and trained in some sort of way!

If your schedule is as nuts as our family's is during the summer, finding the time to make sure math is focused on (or science, reading, maybe a foreign language), well, it's almost next to impossible some days. So, I turned to my iPhone. Now we have AWESOME math apps to keep with us and keep my son's brain in full gear no matter where we are or how much - or how little - time we may have. Whether it's addition, subtraction, multiplication, time or money skills...the iPhone has it covered for us! He even uses the eReader to read new books when we forget our library books at home and we're stuck in the car, the ice rink, the grocery store - you name it!

But shhhh... he feels like it's a video game. So, the amount of time he "plays" on the apps is awesome. It's learning and he doesn't even realize it!

TD Takeaway of the Day: TNT!

TNT! Someone said this to me recently as I was trying to decide when to start a new exercise program. "TNT" he said. I just stared blankly at him. "TODAY... NOT TOMORROW!"

TNT has become a new motto around our house and one that I am instilling in the families I work with. Think about the decisions you are faced with everyday. The decisions you put off making. The decisions your kids put of making. And of course, the decisions you put off making for your kids. Make TNT part of your life! Say it out loud when everyone is trying to decide what to do. When the procrastination and excuses start (and we all know they will), yell out"TNT!" You'll get funny looks at first, but I promise, it'll start making a difference. Put up sticky notes or index cards with "TNT" on them around the house... keep those excuses away and your determination in the starting block.

It's funny how little things can make big changes in our lives. All of those "I'll start it tomorrows" you've said over the months...well, it's time to TNT those. Start the reading time. Try the new math worksheets the teacher sent home for summer. Start the one-on-one Mom/Dad and Kiddo time. Pick a date for that family game night you've been planning for so long. Sit down for that family meal you keep meaning to do. Take the cooking lessons. Try the karate class. JUST GO TO THE GYM :). Learn a foreign language. Start a journal.

No matter what it is... Just remember "TNT!"

At the intersection of Parent St., Child Rd. and Teacher Ave.

Turn Around.

As I was watching an interview with Sean and Leigh Anne Touhy I was struck by a simple phrase they said, "Turn Around." Sean and Leigh Anne, for those of you that aren't aware, were made famous by the movie "The Blind Side" that captured the amazing story of their life after adopting Michael Oher off the streets of Memphis and transforming his life through love, family and education. Michael, as many of you know, went on to graduate high school, college and become a future first round draft pick and NFL star for the Baltimore Ravens. NONE of this would have happened without someone turning around.

One simple phrase, Turn Around. That's what did it. Leigh Anne said to her husband when she saw Michael walking on the streets that night when they were driving home - the night that they picked him up. Literally, they turned around and they put him in their car. And that was that. But from that moment Micheal's life was turned around.

Life gets busy for all of us and we have a way of always looking in front of us, forgetting to see what's going on in every other direction. TURN AROUND and see others. TURN AROUND and see how YOU can help. TURN AROUND and see what amazing things your child is doing, discovering and feeling. TURN AROUND and ask if YOU can PLAY! TURN AROUND and PARTICIPATE.

Everyday, I listen to parents and students and help them have a voice when they may not have had one before. Many times the journey to me has been long and tough. There are plenty of kids that are slipping between the cracks because no one is helping them find their voice - or no one is hearing them once they find it.

TURN AROUND and BE PRESENT. Don't live your life thinking and waiting for someone else to do it - because they may not. Give a child a hand, an education, a round of applause. At the end of the day, you both will feel fuller than you ever thought possible. By simply turning around, you can turn around and empower a life.

Thanks Leigh Anne Tuohy.

"Mom / Dad... I'm Bored!"

How many parents have heard this phrase this summer? Probably too many of you to count, right? Doesn't matter how old your kids are, the word "bored" go across the ages. I find myself saying phrases that my own mother use to say to me - and ones that I promised I would never say to my own kids. "You can't be bored, you just woke up." "Only boring people get bored." "There are a million things to do." "Grab the vacuum, there's plenty of things to clean." "Grab a book and read." And of course, "Don't you have a room FULL of things to NOT be bored with?" What I forget is that these didn't work with me (cue the eye rolling) and they don't work with my kids. (cue the shock music)

Our friends at FoxValleyMom.com put together a list of GREAT solutions/ideas for an enjoyable summer - here's just a few - some more perfect for teens, some perfect for all ages:

1. Work at a local business: Why? Because at some point we ALL need to understand the importance of customer service (in my opinion).
2. Volunteer: There is NOTHING more rewarding - and even though your kids may not admit it at first, they will feel this too.
3. Take a Class / Brush up on Skills: There are SO many options during the summer...pottery, martial arts, painting, theatre, learn a language!
   
4. Residential Work: Good old fashioned lawn mowing, mother's helpers, babysitting, dog walking, flower watering
5. Recreational Activities: Waterparks, mini golf, go karts, the Zoo, bike rides and SO much more!
   

Read the entire article and check out all the great resources that FoxValleyMom.com has for the hip mom and her kids in the Fox Valley area! I promise...the words, "I'm bored" will soon be a distant memory.

TD Takeaway of the Day:

I read a quote from a special ed teacher today that really struck me...
"I am constantly asking myself: What can I do for children? This simple yet profound question provides the focus I need when the going gets tough. This question keeps me in the mode of turning my passion into performance. I’m talking about purposeful performance that links my core values with an empathetic awareness of the views of those around me."

All children should be fortunate enough to have teachers who act, feel, think and teach in this way every day. All teachers should remember WHY they started teaching in the first place. And all parents, well, we just need to remember that this is a JOINT effort and we can get as much out of our kids, schools and teachers as we put into it.

Make it count

I found this quote today and I instantly connected with it.
"Do the difficult things while they are easy and do great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."

What will your journey be? Can you take your family with you? What kind of journey are you showing you kids everyday? I realized that too often I forget that everyday is an opportunity for greatness. That's what I want to instill in my kids.

My own son has had his struggles finding his place - last year was one of his, and our, toughest so far. Watching him struggle in school, with friends, with transitions and with his own anxieties and fears broke my heart hourly. But, we found our voice. He found his voice. And we created and turned it into one of the best adventures to date. It was all part of finding out how strong we all were - and finding what our path was together. It led me to the journey I'm on now. I get to be the voice for so many other families that don't have one, can't find theirs, or simply have no idea how to have theirs heard.

Find your journey. Start today.

Summer's Here...Now What?

Summer is finally here... Long sunny days. Playdates. Beach and Pool trips. Popsicles at the Park. Ahhh the life of a child out of school. But, what happens to everything they learned in school? How do we as parents keep it fresh and keep them motivated? There has to be more to the days of summer than just watching our kids get up, turn the latest TV or video game on, and begin to tune out the rest of the world. Right?? :) How do we keep everything fresh and fun - and keep them engaged at the same time?

Thanks to our friends at Psychologytoday.com for these great bits of information!

1. What ultimately is the goal a parent should have in mind when they select/offer ideas to their children of what to do this summer?

Parents should always be thinking about what they want their children to get out of their summer. Take a look at anything that fosters kids' physical, intellectual, social, spiritual, environmental, cultural, and artistic development. In other words, what are the experiences you can provide that will further your children's greater understanding of themselves and the world in which they live.

Also, parents should focus on summer activities that encourage certain values that parents want to instill in their children, for example, hard work, compassion, or learning about other cultures. If children are into sports, the arts, or another specialized area, activity-specific camps or other experiences devoted to these are a great way to allow them to enjoy themselves and help them improve and strive toward their goals. If you can't find one that matches your schedule or your budget, try putting one on yourself for your children and their friends. It may sound like a lot of work, but actually it's a lot of fun and the experience you'll get out of it with your children and their friends is priceless. There are many ways to do this - a week, three days, etc.. And pick a theme. You can ask friends to bring supplies, as well. Keep it to a half day or few hours and only a few children. At the end of the week, have a final project to send home with the kids! You wont believe how much fun this time can be!!

Of course, having some summer activities that are just plain fun is important too.

2. What role does our popular culture play in these decisions?

Parents feel a lot of pressure these days to "keep up with the Joneses," meaning they feel like if they're not doing what the Joneses are doing, then they will be viewed as bad parents. My advice is to "make the Joneses jealous." While the Joneses are doing what everyone else is doing (sometimes quite unhappily), you can be doing what your family wants to do. The ability to make this decision to buck the system comes from thinking deliberately about your family's values and interests and making conscious choices based on those priorities.

3. What specific ideas can you offer parents to do with their 13-18 year olds this summer?

Summer jobs are one of the most powerful experiences teenagers can have. I think manual labor or mundane labor is especially good learning experience for teens, particularly in the privileged and insulated world in which many kids are raised these days. I worked as a waitress and retail cashier all through high school and college. It showed me the value of hard work, the direct relationship between earning a wage and serving others (literally), and how and what most people expect from others who are working for them. It also taught me the VALUE of being a great communicator.

Summers are also a great time to get kids involved in household responsibilities. They should be assigned chores that contribute to the upkeep and functioning of the house. Painting a room, cleaning out the garage, or being in charge of recycling are all great ways to teach kids responsibility and get the house into shape.

Family activities should also be included summer plans. Family outings are a great way for you to connect with and strengthen your relationship with their kids and do fun things together. The best summer family activities are those in which parents and children share a new and unique experience, visit a place totally unfamiliar to everyone, or do something that requires a family to interact in different ways. For example, one family I know spent two weeks helping to build a house for Habitat for Humanity. Another family spent a week camping the mountains.

4. What role does boredom play in summer activities? Does boredom have any value?

Boredom happens when kids have too much free time on their hands. And summers, when kids aren't in school and may not have as much structure in their days, are a potential breeding ground for boredom.

I still remember to this day, my mom saying to me "Only boring people get bored." While this may not have been the greatest message, it defintely GOT to me and I understood it and remembered it throughout my life. I never wanted to be seen as a boring person, so I always made sure that I found and had something to do.

Boredom can also be a great tool for development if it's handled properly. Too often these days, when kids get bored, parents give them something to entertain them, such as put them in front of a TV or computer or send them to the mall. But boredom can encourage creativity and self-initiative. When kids tell their parents they are bored, the parents should say, "So, what are you going to do about it?" Parents can offer activities that are healthy, such as organizing informal soccer games, going to parks and museums, or doing chores around the house (that will get kids motivated to find something to do for themselves!).

At the same time, I do think a part of summer should be devoted to down time, meaning just hanging out at home and taking it easy (but that doesn't mean sitting in front of a screen for easy entertainment). Kids need time to rest and recharge. So much of kids' lives these days are programmed and go, go, go. But this time should not comprise the bulk of the summer, but rather be a short period, perhaps a week, before school begins.

5. How does a parent address the fact if a child does NOT want to do, attend or volunteer at a certain activity?

There is a saying, "Doing nothing is not an option." Kids have to do something with their summers. You can give your kids some options from which they must choose, including some form of work. But I believe that kids should be forced to do something.

One family I know has a rule: one thing the parents want the kids to do and one thing the kids want to do. This rule amounts to a win-win for parents and kids.

Make the most out of your family's summer! Have fun, work smart, and learn always.