Rules to Live By

As our kids play sports, do team activities, or individual activities, they are taught simple rules to help make their experience a safer, more productive and fun one. As I was thinking about these rules and talking to my own son about them, I realized they apply to everything we do on a daily basis...school, work, relationships with friends/parents/siblings/teachers/co-workers/bosses/coaches and of course, teammates.

Here's our favorite list... We've printed them out, shared them and I even have them posted beside my computer in my office as a reminder to myself. Enjoy!

1. Know the Game


2. Pay attention to the Coach at all times


3. Know your Opponent


4. Be a Team Player


5. Practice a Winning Attitude


6. Find out what you do Best


7. Find out what you need to work on


8. Practice, practice, practice. And when you think your done...practice some more.


9. Learn from your mistakes.


10. Have Fun!

Getting an A+ in Teacher Communication

We all want A's...I don't care how old you are. In everything we do in life, we want to succeed, get pats on the back, high fives, "atta boys"... basically, life's "A+'s". So, when it comes to meeting with your child's teacher for parent/teacher conferences, aim for the the best possible outcome! Ace that meeting this year.

We tell our kids daily to do their homework. Now it's our turn... We have 10 minutes (give or take) with the person our children spends the majority of their time with during the week, learning and molding their minds for the future. Let me tell you.. you DON'T want to blow those 10 minutes on how organized the classroom is or what a great haircut the teacher has. Get in there and get down to business. This isn't coffee or happy hour, it's your CHILD'S FUTURE.

Here's a checklist to help you prepare (and yes - you can take notes with you to rattle off and questions to go over with the teacher - this helps keep you on track!):

• Talk to your child PRIOR to the conference to see if he/she has concerns you can address


• Discuss any at home issues that may be affecting the work at school


• Ask for specifics about your child's work. Don't be intimated by jargon you may not understand or really care about when in comes to "the majority" or "the class." This is YOUR CHILD'S time.


• Stay focused on your child - not on your past (as a child), your work, or your view on the curriculum. Stay in the present.


• Discuss common goals and your role in those.


• ASK for follow up emails or conversations if you feel they are necessary.

This is a partnership. Don't become antagonistic...the time with your child's teacher should be open and honest and a fair playing field or nothing will or can be accomplished.

If your child is having conflicts with the teacher that you are aware of, these should definitely be addressed. Make sure before having this discussion, that your child has given you solid, concrete examples of what has happened (as well as he/she can from a child's viewpoint). Ask your teacher for her insights, you may find that there are reasons why her decisions have been made, or you may find you need additional help in being heard. Either way, the dialogue needs to be open. Allow the teacher to first have the chance to work things out with your child before going to next level. Many times she may not known the extent of what was going on or being felt, and now is able to address the feelings and situation with your child.

Bottom line is that we all want what's best for the kids... to grow, to learn and become responsible, smart adults ready to help change the world!

If you find out your child needs addtional help or needs to be challenged more...contact us. We know where you can get some great in home tutoring.

Label Me This...

"Stupid is as Stupid Does." Remember these 5 words as said so famously by Tom Hanks, as Forrest Gump? I think the whole country was repeating this line for months and months after the movie came out...actually, we were probably repeating it for years.

In that movie, Forrest Gump believed that he was stupid...because that's what he was told. However, everything he did proved that theory wrong. He pushed through and showed everyone around him - those that knew him (and didn't know him) - just how "not stupid" he really was.

Now, bring this to today - to our kids. They get told so many messages to put in their own little playback devices in their minds. "Smartest" "Coolest" "Nerd" "Dork" "Pretty" "Chubby" "Fat" "Skinny" "Shorty" "Pale" "Brainiac" "Dumb" "Clown" "Goofy" "Bully" and yes, "Stupid". And these are only a handful of the labels our kids hear on a daily basis. It's no wonder when it comes to actually concentrating on what they should be concentrating on - school work - that they can't always do that. They are too worried about keeping up with the labels, or getting out from under them. And the worst part of all of it...Not one of them asked for these labels. As my 8 year old told me the other day, "There's just way too many names to tell you mom. Everyone calls someone something. Good and Bad."

He's right. I've realized in our house just how many labels we use for each other without even knowing it. We set expectations for each other, we put each other down - all without even realizing it. I have always had the rule that the word "stupid" was not allowed in the house under any circumstance. I thought I was doing such a great job with this rule...making my kids feel like they could do anything and never allowing them to put themselves down. But, what I didn't realize it all the other labels I was allowing.

So, my challenge to you and your family is to take the labels away. Like everything else, it all starts at home. Help our kids have one less issue to have to compete with everyday. Teach them that it's REALLY ok to just be themselves. Start a "label" jar or "label" poster where every time you hear one of your family members (mom and dad - this means you, too) put a label on someone (even joking!), you add a quarter to the jar, or a point to the poster. At the end of the month add up the points or the money and go out for ice cream, or have the person with the most points do someone else's chores for the week (the person who got the least points). Any way you chose to do it...just do it. You'll start to realize just how much you're actions at home are rubbing off on your kids - and next time they start to call someone a name or even just stand by while someone else does it - they'll think twice, or maybe even stop it.

Daily Planner.

Today, I am the clock. A buzzer that says "get up," "let's go" and "get ready."
Today, I am calendar. A lunch menu. A concierge.
Today, I am a short order cook, a waitress, a busboy, a dishwasher.
Today, I am a dry cleaner, a maid, a stylist and a personal assistant.

Today, I am a pastry chef, an artist, a sculptor, a critic.

Today, I am a producer, a cameraman, a director, a writer and an audience - all at once, and individually.

Today, I am the opposing team and the teammate.
Today, I am the coach.

Today, I am Mario, Darth Vader, Harry Potter and Yoda.
Today, we conquer the galaxy.

Today, I am the librarian and the story teller.
Today, I am the architect and the builder.

Today, I am the music teacher, the singer, the dancer and the groupie.

Today, I am the tutor, the science lab professor, the explorer, the museum guide and conqueror of fears.
Today, I am the taxi driver.

Today, I am the calculator and the dictionary.
Today, I am the teacher.

Today, I am the confidant and the comedian.
Today, I am the boss and the friend.

Today, I am mom.

Yesterday and Tomorrow?... See Today.

The "I" in Involved

Being involved is about more than baking cookies these days. It seems that everywhere you turn there is a way to sign up, donate, give time and more when it comes to being a part of your kids educations. There is no right or wrong way to do it. There's just finding the YOUR PLACE in involvement. The "I", as I like to call it. It doesn't matter what you do, just as long as you're doing it - and doing it the way that makes sense for you and your family.

Being involved can take the shape of many things. It can be the parent who is there every night that reads, checks the homework, plays "hi/lo" at the dinner table (one of my fave's), and recounts the daily gossip between family members. We keep up to date and up to speed on our kids lives like this. We find out what's going on, and we communicate. We are involved. This type of involvement may not take the shape of the daily school interaction of PTO meetings, volunteering in the classroom, or baking 200 homemade cupcakes, but it's serious involvement. And it counts - big time.

There's the involvement of the parent that volunteers at the school in any way needed. This parent is the first on the sign up sheets, chairs or co-chairs committees, teacher's know him/her by name in the hallway and never hesitate to ask for help when they need it. We love seeing our kids at school in their element. We love being a part of their daily lives. And we love helping to shape the future of the school in any way possible. This is our contribution back to our community, and our kids. It also makes a big difference.

Then there's the combination - those of us that give a little of our time to school when we can, and as much time at home as we can. We read to classes, donate school supplies, and buy store bought cupcakes for bake sales and class parties :). While in the same day, we take kids from one sport to the next, talking about the day in the car while eating from a packed cooler as we move from one kid's activity to the next. We get home, work on homework, review the days events and pack up to get ready to do it all again the next day.

No matter where YOU are in your level of involvement, it's important that you're just there. Knowing what your kids are doing everyday. What they have for homework, who their friends are, what their day was like and even what goes on in their classrooms. Asking questions - of your kids and of their school - can be what makes or breaks a year for your child. Know when there may be problems before it's too late. Celebrate their accomplishments. Understand their frustrations and help them get through their bad days.

Make the most out of this year with your children. Back to school isn't just for kids. Find out how you can make this your best year too.

What I learned on my summer vacation...

Remember writing these essays every fall when you got back to school? I sure do. I always tried to think of some grand way of spinning what usually was a pretty uneventful summer - in my eyes at least. Although looking back now, I had some pretty spectacular summer breaks (thanks, mom!). For me, this summer was unlike any summer I have ever had - and as I spoke to my 8 yr old the other day - I realized it was the same for him, as well. This was our first summer together since he was 2... No camp for him, no full time office job for me. It was the two of us against the world.

I learned this summer that patience is a lot more than a word. It's a gift that we give a kids and ourselves, and it takes time to unwrap and really understand the true power it holds. I learned that when given the opportunity to just play again - with no distractions - I have more fun than I did when I myself was an 8 year old in the summers. Slip n slides are more fun, sprinklers feel much better and water gun fights are become all out wars.

I found out that the power of my words, my tone and sheer facial expressions can turn a child upside down. Again - see the sentence above on patience. :) I taught myself that it's ok to turn my phone off, walk away from work and just be mom, wife and friend for an hour, a day or a few days - and you know what - the world keeps going on. I learned that just because they make amazing cupcakes on Cupcake Wars, doesn't mean my son and I can make them in my kitchen. We did have fun eating the frosting off the tops though. I learned that somethings are better left to the professionals on TV.

I learned that bumper boats are much more fun when you spin around and around and spray other people at full blast. I taught myself how to launch water balloons and also how to run from them when being tossed at me! I learned that when at the pool, it's OK to get wet! It's not just about sitting on the lounge chair, or dipping feet in from the side. It's about getting full on in the water, throwing diving sticks, going in water mushrooms, freezing when the water hits your belly, and racing to see who can swim the fastest. I found out what it felt like to race down a giant waterslide with my 8 yr old cheering me on. I beat fear.

I learned that even 8 yr olds are allowed to not like their moms every day. They have ups and downs that adults have - only they actually express it better than we do. I learned that it's ok not to have all the answers and to just say that sometimes and walk away. I taught myself to have time outs.

All in all, I learned that it's not always easy - being a mom, a wife, a friend, a teacher, a mentor, a business owner... any of it. But, it's how we learn to deal with it. Where we find the joy in each moment and how we find the teachable moments. I probably taught myself more this summer than I did my son. I am far from perfect - way far. But at the end of the summer, I am closer to being the mom I want to be, and my son is closer to knowing the mom he has. We became friends this summer. Knock down drag out friends, mind you, but friends none the less.

My son knows that I am a work in progress and now starting school in 5 days, he knows that it's ok that he is too.

What did you do on your summer vacation?

"Hello Fear, Let's Dance."

Fear. We all have it... It knows no age limits, no gender. And it certainly does not care WHAT you are doing when it appears. No courtesy whatsoever. While I use to run from fear, I've learned as a parent, that my children learn by what I do more times than not (cue the SHOCK & AWE sounds), so Fear and I now have a different relationship. We have to - my kids have to learn how to deal with it too.

So now I say, "Hello Fear. Let's Dance." And off we go. I match fear move for move. Tall buildings - no problem. I've shown my son I can conquer that glass elevator with his hand in mine...easy. Mouse in the house - piece of cake (um, well cheese, maybe), kinda. That one took a little more time, and a longer piece of music for us to "dance" to, but we got there. And my nemesis - the tall, dark, crazy fast water slides... yes, I see Fear waiting there for me just laughing. But not this time. I take my son's hand in mine, we walk up those 6 flights of stairs and we do it together. We conquer it - one turn and drop at a time. Guess who's afraid now? ;)

My point is, fear strikes at every angle. Our kids face it daily - and especially at back to school time. New teachers, new friends, old friends in different classes, new lunch tables, what to wear, what to eat, where to sit, who to play with, is the work too hard/too easy? And if your child just moved to a new school, or is transitioning to kindergarten, middle or high school this year, it's an entirely new set of challenges. Be prepared for changes with your child. Go through those changes with him and teach him to "dance" with fear - not run from it. Look it in the eye, and move with it, step for step, turn for turn. In the end, it will be your child leading - not fear.

But remember, your job before that is to show him that it can be done. Conquer your own fears with your child as much as you can, and when he can't be around, tell him about it.

Trust me, I couldn't have conquered half of my fears without my 8 yr old's hand in mine, saying, "You can do it, Mom. You can." Take that, fear.